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ARE YOU OUT-LAWED BY YOUR IN -LAWS?

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Published Muslim Views December,2008


The ‘mother-in-law joke is an old chestnut that resonates throughout the world, irrespective of class, culture or faith. At its most basic it is woman against woman, a struggle for power, control and establishing boundaries.
It is extremely prevalent in our community that women are raised and programmed to nurture others, especially our children. We reach the point that when we are no longer needed, we feel as if we have been deprived of oxygen. When we have raised our child, be it son or daughter, to the best of our ability, we need to trust their choices, and we have to respect the partner they have taken, however we may disagree. According to Clinical Psychologist, Ferial Johnstone, when two people marry, each one comes with a covert contract of what a marriage should be. This contract is influenced by what they observed in the marriage of their parents, what they have heard from others, as well as the influence of the media. For instance, the young woman may have a mother who had a career, and so she expects that she will be working as well. Her mother in law may

STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY

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Published Muslim Views April, 2009

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. How many of us remember this little ditty which we chanted as children when someone was being nasty to us? The thing is, this is such a blatant lie. As children, everything done to us, or said to us, was very personal. Whether it came from a friend, a teacher, or a parent, words hurt and damaged. Children are vulnerable,  and in most cases the hurt inflicted is carried into adulthood. However, hopefully as adults we are able to think and reason; we should be able to reason that not everything said or done reflects on us. We need to stop taking things so personally. Our self-worth and the esteem in which we hold ourselves will enable us to realise that we do not need the good opinion of another to validate our existence.

 

Very often we depend on the words and actions of others to feel emotionally well.This is a throwback to childhood, when we tried desperately to please the adults in our life, mistakenly believing that this will ensure that we are loved. Having reached adulthood we should be feeling confident enough to stop yearning for

COMMUNICATION

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Published Muslim Views January, 2009

We live in an age where more and more sophisticated methods of communication is being developed daily, and in some cases, even hourly. With a laptop or cell phone you can conduct a business from anywhere. You can chat to friends across the world with email and ‘Skype’ Young people can keep in contact with friends through ‘mix it’ and face book, without ever leaving their homes. We live in an information age, wherever we turn we are bombarded with more and more information, whether we want it or not. Our radios and television sets stay on 24/7, and if that is not enough, there is the Internet.
However, what has these sophisticated forms of communication done for us personally, in our relationships with partners, parents, children and our friends?


Last month in the article on the relationship between in- laws, I mentioned that the key to success is communication. What exactly is communication?
Communication is the process to impart information from a sender to a receiver with the use of a medium.. Communication is defined as a process by which we

Care and Upbringing of Children - Some important principles

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Excerts from the book: " Care and Upbringing of  Children" written by Mufti Rashid Achamt Qaasami

  1. A good name must be kept for a child :- To use the name of the ambiyaa (AS), a Sahabi(RHA) or that of a pious predecessor would be a form of Barakat. A name with an unsuitable meaning should not be kept.Nabi (SAW) use to change unsuitable names.
  2. Circumcision is to be (for boys) should be done in the early years of a child.
  3. When the child reach the age of speaking, then the first thing to be taught to that child is the Kalimah Tayyibah ( La ilaha illallahu).
  4. Children should be taught Tauheed ( Oneness of Allah).Risalaat (Prophethood of Nabi (SAW)) and correct Aqaad ( beliefs)
  5. Abstention from evil and teh doing of good should be taught, so that from the onset the child's nature is made firm upon righteousness.
  6. When the child reach the age of seven he should be ordered to perform Salaat. When they reach the age of ten, they should be punished for neglecting it. At ten the children should also be made to sleep on seperate beds.
  7. Children should be taught to love Nabi(SAW) and they should be taught the Quraan .

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